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1. The smell of a steam engine (coal, steam and hot grease, with a little bit of sulphur) is the tastiest perfume you can imagine
2. The start of a steam engine is your favourite music piece.
3. The both points above are also more or less valid for the fuel smells and motor noises of diesel engines.
4. You can recognise immediately all the different types and variants of your favourite engine (but you don’t know the difference between a Jeep and a Cadillac)
5. You find the "fantastic" power of a super-GTI-4WD- sport car simply ridiculous: the smallest station shunter got more horsepower!
6. You are able to ride thousands of miles (by train if possible) only to see ONE particular locomotive.
7. You never say "I took the train", but "I took an Amfleet Type III hauled by the AEM-7 #908"
8. You feel a sort of pity for all these "normal" passengers walking near of an engine without looking it and ever without noting its immatriculation number.
9. The job you wanted to do when you were a little child: train driver or railway crossing keeper.
10. You are less excited by a "69" than by a "E 69", a "Class 69", a "BM 69" or a "BB 69000".
11. Your program in the wild seventies: "Sex, trains and rock’n’roll".
12. Your favourites animals : Crocodiles, yard goats and geese (but only when they are galloping...).
13. The holiest of all saints: Saint Gotthard and Saint Pancras.
14. The holiest of all pilgrim goals: the church of Wassen.
15. Your favourite song: "A train is whistling in the dark"
16. Your biggest fear: what happens if you just doesn’t hear it whistling in the dark...?

 

With your spouse:

17. As you were a little boy, you wanted to become a steam engine driver, and you wanted your sweetheart as fireman (firegirl?)
18. You already said to a girl: "You’re so nice as a fresh refurbished FL-9" (intending to make her a compliment, of course)
19. How you invited your first girl for a dance: "Come on, baby, to the locomotion with me".
20. Your bride almost wanted to cancel the wedding when she heard you would like to marry dressed as a steam engine driver.
21. Your wife astonished the first time you told her "My little sweet Pennsy GG-1", but now she doesn’t longer matter...
22. The destination you proposed for the wedding journey: Moskow-Vladiwostok, 1 week on the trans-siberian railway.
23. The BIG advantage of trains against women: nobody ever got a slab in the face from an engine...

 

On journey / Holidays:

24. You are able to stay more than 24 hours in a train, but hate to ride any other transport system for more than 1 hour.
25. You look each location who isn’t reachable by train as a totally uninteresting no man’s land (For instance: Las Vegas, Ibiza, Hawaii)
26. You wonder why all your favourite destinations (Examples: Clapham Junction, Cajon Pass, Horseshoe curve...) never appear in the travel agency catalogues.
27. You always get problems with your wife, because of she wants to spend the holidays in totally unexciting no man’s lands (Las Vegas, Ibiza, Hawaii), and not at really interesting locations (Clapham Junction, Cajon Pass, Horseshoe curve)
28. When you look for an hotel, you first search for establishments called "Station hotel" or "Railway hotel" in your destination town.
29. When you book a room, you always precise "With a good sight on the railway station, please!"
30. You know nothing more borious than staying all the day on the beach (If there is no railway line in sight...)
31. In the most towns you visited, you know the railway station(s) perfectly, and perhaps the station(s) place(s) too. The rest of the city is simply uninteresting.
32. You feel like "lost in space" if there is no railway line 1 mile around.
33. Your most urgent problem in the holidays: find a local model railway dealer to get a holiday souvenir for the model railway.

 

If you also drive a car:

34. You are one of the very few drivers getting happy to see a railway crossing closing just before you cross it.
35. At contrary, you are also one of the very few drivers getting angry to see a railway crossing closing just after you crossed it!
36. Murphy’s law for railfans: railway crossing always close when you just crossed them...
37. In order to avoid a nervous breakdown due to the precedent point, you drive 5 mph at least 100m before each railway crossing.
38. When you’re in a train, you like to laugh over all these bloody auto-"mobilists" always blocked in traffic jams.
39. When you are sitting yourself in traffic jam, it’s naturally an other problem...

 

When you are photographing :

40. The most interesting trains to shot come always when you are changing the film in your camera....
41. You are able to stay and wait for hours on the trackside, only to shot a train whose you doesn’t know the timetable.
42. This train comes always exactly 5 minutes after you’ve loose patience and got away
43. You like to look the engines very closely, but you doesn’t accept that from other amateurs when you want to take a picture of them.
44. You consider as a bloody idiot the engineer who placed a signal or a catenary pole exactly in the middle of your picture.
45. You sometimes ruined your clothes by trying to reach a good spot through vegetation and bard wire.
46. You have been arrested by the police, the army or the secret services several times, because of you tried to photograph something forbidden.
47. The signs saying "It is forbidden to cross the railway lines" have been placed here only for the "normal" passengers, not for you!
48. You think that the freedom of photographing trains should be written as the first chapter of the universal declaration of human rights.
49. Your pictures are always the best ones (Hunter’s principle: "The cow you shoot yourself smells always better than this from the butcher")

 

On the Web :

50. Your wife thinks naively that you always surf on railway related sites, and also that you never visited an erotic site. She has right...
51. You already blocked your phone line during hours to download a video-clip during 30 seconds.
52. In your opinion, much Websites have only poor and bad compressed pictures.
53. On the other Websites, the pictures usually need much too much time to download.
54. You naturally consider your own Website as THE BEST of the web, and the only one with high-quality-big-format-quick-downloading pictures.

 

If you’re also a modeller :

55. You are very sharp on very little details of your locomotives.
56. Instead, hauling a train of Amfleet coaches with a Shay isn't a problem for you…
57. In your mind, you got a wonderful layout. In reality, it's still a chaotic workplace.

 

Some miscellaneous considerations :

58. A red flag is a stop signal for trains. Using it as a start signal for proletarian masses is clearly against the reglement.
59. Trains could run much easier if they would not have all these goods and passengers to transport.

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